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Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

Somewhere around his 2nd birthday, my sweet, wonderful, lovely, lovable baby turned into a terrible two. He was still underlyingly sweet, but everything turned into a battle. Everything. There was not one thing that he didn’t battle me about. For around a year its been very challenging, to say the least. I had times when I wondered who took my little angel and replaced him with someone else who looked like him.

He is back. Somewhere in the last few weeks something changed. Its like we went into a valley of toddler tantrums and are now heading out into the sunshine. My little man has become as sweet as he could be. The battles are getting fewer and farther between. My sweet darling little boy is back.

He has spent the last few days miserable. Full of cold, ears infected, sore throat and a fever. Even with that, sitting up very very late at night cuddled up with a very poorly little boy, he has been so sweet. Even really ill he has been a joy to be around. He has spent the last two days planted on my lap. Its been a joy, and it really reminds me of his baby days.

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One of the things I think is fantastic here in the UK is parent/child parking spots in car parks. Its something I had only seen once in the states in a brand newly built mall. These spots do not have to be in front of the store as parents are not handicapped, but they are wider spots so we can get the door of the car open and safely get the baby out. It also gives a parent enough room to put the push chair along side of the car, out of the way of moving traffic, and get the baby strapped in.  The fact that you can get the car door open all the way and maneuver into the car enough to get to the baby seat helps beyond belief. The spots are all about safety.

Before I became a parent I had no idea how hard it was to get a child in and out of a car. I had no idea how vulnerable it feels to have your head stuffed into the car and your ass hanging out with no idea who is walking up behind you, all the while fighting a toddler who is not letting you strap him in without a struggle. I remember one time when I had no parent spot to park in, they where all taken, mostly by people without a child, and hand to climb into the backseat of the car with my newborn infant. This was a squeeze between my car and a car that was so close that I could barely fit in. I hurt myself to get in by making sure that I didn’t hurt my child. There was 10 parent spots in this car park, only 2 had child seats in them.

I know how tempting it is to see a spot that looks so convenient, one that is wide enough to get the door open. Please, I am really asking you to stop and think. Do you really need to put yourself so far in front of others who need these spots to keep their children safe?  Just like disabled spots, they are clearly marked. So next time you see one and are tempted, please stop and think about the parents who really need them to keep their children safe.   Thank you.

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Who would of thought that I would have a child who doesn’t like having his photo taken. I love photography. I always thought I would have massive portraits of any child I ever had. I did portraits, children portraits, and glamour portraits for a living when I was younger. Sadly, no. I have more pictures of my son looking down, the back of his head, running away. Just trying to get him to sit still is nearly impossible. In a way, its a bit disappointing. I would of loved a little model. Its just not meant to be.

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This morning, as with most mornings, T threw his arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug. AWWW came out of his little mouth, then he gave me a kiss. This very small act makes me more happy then anything else ever could. I can remember when he was ever so small, just a little bundle in my arms. I would look at his perfect little face, his tiny little hands and stare in disbelief that this perfect baby grew inside of me. He was so sweet and perfect that I would kiss his little cheeks again and again. Now he takes such great joy in kissing mine.

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Used to be

I seem to spend a fair bit of time thinking of what I used to be.  I used to be a very independent woman. I used to go out working daily. I used to be working at building a career. I used to be one of those seemingly rare women who bought a home, on her own, without a man. I didn’t think it was that big a deal but a lot of people. did.  I had my dream job, and let it go. I didn’t realize it was my dream job.  I did account management. I maintained all the advertising, including ad designs, photography, kept track of industry magazines to place ads. I interviewed and chose and worked with a company to design the companies web page. I convinced the president of the company we needed a web page. I was the assistant to the president of the company in regards to anything sales wise. I did travel arrangements. I traveled every month to meet with clients.  I did conventions. That is just off the top of my head.   I loved this job. I really did. I didn’t realize how much I did love this job until I left to make more money.  I loved the multi-task aspect. I was never bored.

Sometimes, sitting here watching Thomas the Tank Engine or Winnie the Pooh or Handy Manny, I have to remind myself that I used to be someone. I love being a mom. I love my son. I truly feel that the job I am doing now is more fulfilling and meaningful then anything I have done in the past. It will mean more for the future world too. But, I look at my life, no money, limited access to the outside world. Sitting in a foreign country.  Knowing there is always a chance I may never see my mom again as she is ill. I let my mind wander back in time to remember that once, a long time ago, people took me seriously.  I was not just a frumpy mommy who cant shift the weight.  My thoughts and opinions mattered.  People looked me in the eye.

If I could go back to that time I don’t think I would. I am a different person now. I wouldn’t want to not have my son. I do think that in the future I will have to make my own life again. I will have to get back to the point where people look me in the eye. Where I feel independent again.  I am good at creating what I want. Its just figuring out what it is I want.

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